I am the man of the house: Thus I proclaim…

I have decided to change my theology! No, “decided” is not strong enough. I was bullied by reality into change my theology. I have forced to review my interpretation of Ephesians 5:21:

... Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

I have always believed that this verse proves that men and women are equal and have equal rights; that it provides the key to the rest of the passage on marriage. As a result, decisions in our home were open to discussion, BUT not anymore! I have now determined that the man has the right to proclaim the laws of the house. You may ask what has happened to bring about such a dramatic shift in my theology? Here follows the chain of events that brought me to this decision.

About three years ago my wife got really sick, and I was obligated to take on the task of making sure that there was food on the table each evening. Before this we shared the responsibility equally when it came to cooking. Although buying groceries was totally her responsibility, I now had to take on this horrible task as well.

Being who I am, I bought myself a few cookbooks (Jamie Oliver) and read through them like storybooks, to the amusement of some. Then I packed them away and started out on the adventure of making my own recipes. My three boys helped me from the beginning, and it developed to the point where we love cooking different dishes.

(Al three my sons are capable of preparing different dishes, from Pizzas to Boerekos – Leg of lamb, ham, and all the necessary vegetables. And all three of them are Braai experts. For those who don’t know what a braai is, it is much more that a barbeque.)

 

This was all fine, but I hate doing shopping. I ended up delaying buying groceries as long as possible. Finally, my three sons and I sat down and came up with a new game plan. We would buy groceries once every month and half. We would buy everything we would need for the next month and a half, and we would do it efficiently.

We started timing our trips to Checkers, setting records for buying groceries that could not be equalled anywhere in the world. We would start the stopwatch when we got out of the car in the parking lot, and stop it when we got back into the car. Our best time stands at 35 minutes, during which we bought groceries for two months, two trolleys full. This is how we do it: I walk down the aisle, and Ben and Jörgen run behind me. Ulrich follows with the trolley. I grab the items we need and throw them over my shoulder while I’m moving down the aisle at a quick pace. Ben and Jörgen catch them and pass them to Ulrich, who stacks them neatly in the trolley. People would stand there gazing with open mouths at this efficiency. We transformed this terrible task into a fun and very quick necessity.

All was fine up to here! By the grace of God my wife is healthy and FIGHTING fit. But now the problems started. She demanded to do her share of the cooking, which is nice. But then she would use my ingredients leaving us (me and my sons) frustrated when we would be busy making something to eat and find the empty spots in the kitchen cupboards where we know we had stored the necessary items. We tried to keep her out of the kitchen but because I believed men and women are equal, I backed off every time when she demanded to cook something, leaving me and my boys a bit deflated.

BUT then she demanded to do the shopping with us. It took us not 35 minutes, not even an hour, but 1 hour 45 minutes! I was demoralized, I was totally drained, on the verge of tears. Who in their right mind strolls leisurely through a shop like Checkers, having light conversations with the different products? Remembering a long lost product in an aisle passed an hour ago and returning with something totally different, a new friend.
At this stage both my theology and I were shattered! I stood up with angered determination, and demanded the headship of our house. I said:

I am the man of this house: Thus I proclaim that my sons and I will do the cooking; my sons and I will purchase the groceries, and we will do the cleaning of the kitchen!

It really felt great, I felt proud. Boy, I sure have told that woman!