Monday, April 5, 2010

Life, death and just passing through. Part 1

I had to edit this article. One of the comments on this article that was placed on my blog, a story of parents who lost their child, need to be part of it. Please read their story at the end.

I believe in living life to the fullest! I also believe that life as we know it here on earth is not all there is.

Every time I visit an ICU I am reminded that life is short, some time’s life is brutally short! Small children slowly dying while their parents are crying and praying, young men and women who’s life’s ends in a tragedy. People in pain, calling out to God for miracles. I have witnessed
some of these miracles and I rejoiced! Often I had to sit with devastated family and friends when the child, partner, parent or friend they had prayed for died. I don’t try to give answers because I don’t understand. I cry with them, but more, I cry with God. More than ever, in these times I experience the love of God as intense, overwhelming and tender. Sometimes I experience the pain of a loving Father who wants to take us in His arms and hold as close, but who are pushed away with the demands that He has to heal, has to make everything whole again. In the painful normality of death here on earth God wants to be there with us, comfort us and share in our pain. Death is sure, at one stage in our life we are all going to die. Nobody leaves this life alive! We know this and yet when somebody we love are dying, we call on God for a miracle.
The wonderful thing is that we may call on God for a miracle, we can beg cry and even fight with God, as we would do with someone we love. Our responsibility is to be honest with God. To acknowledge what we see, to acknowledge our pain, longing and our desires. To acknowledge that we are at wits end. It is not our responsibility to believe somebody “healed”. Or pray somebody “healed”. Or faith somebody “healed” or renounced the reality of the situation “healed”. We have the privilege to run into God’s arms and HOPE. It is here, close to God where we will find the courage to live, whether God answer with a miracle or without.
God rarely make sense to me, but I experience His love often. I do not understand when, why and how God heals, but I love Him. I’m not afraid of dying, I am just afraid that those I love would die.
Some time’s I long to be with God and then I read what Paul wrote to the Philippians in Philippians 1

21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! 23 I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; 24 but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.

I once had a privilege to pick up a old man walking on the road from Johannesburg to Randfontein. He told me he was 78 and that he was walking the 60km to go and visit his mother. On the question of her age he responded by saying that they do not really know. She does not have papers and was born at a time when things like that did not matter. But they believe that se must be near or over a hundred years old. Then he said “She longs to go to God, but He is very busy and did not have time to come and fetch her yet”
My Grandmother a woman of 86, also longs to be with her maker. Her whole life consist of talking to God and about God. (And I must confess talking about me). It is very difficult for her to move around and she spend almost all her time in her small room, praying that God will come and take her home. Yet she lives to see another day while another young mothers who loves God, dies. We cannot choose our time, neither the way. We are not masters of our fate, we have faith in our Master. What we can choose is to live today close to God and use each moment to love those close to you. There will come a time when each one of us will die, that is un-avoidable normal.

A true story:

We know the pain of ICU. You sat with us for three days. Three of the longest days of my life. Seeing my child dying slowly. The people storming in, claiming God's healing, telling us that if we belief God would heal our precious child. That it is not God's will that our child would die, but the work of Satan. People who told us to rejoice because God said to them that our child would be healed.
Well, he died on the 28th of February 2008 after three days of hell. Not only did we experienced the pain of the event, but my wife has never again set foot in a church after that experience. She is angry with God, she believed everything that was said to her. She believed that he would be healed. She believed that the Christians who spoke so earnestly and with so much conviction was so spiritual and she acted as if our son would not die. God would surely not allow this to happen.
Paul in these times you helped me to keep my sanity, to hope, but more to see a loving God. A God that is real, a God that is with us in our pain.
On the 28th of February I did not only loose my son, I also lost my wife. She has lost her faith, her God and her reason to life.
When I think back to those tree days of hell. I wish I had chased away all those people who came with their easy answers. Those Spiritual Christians who stole my wife's faith. I AM ANGRY!
I know today that they could not handle the pain, that their fear for death was so big that they had to invent this god.
Today I must confess that the pain and the longing is still there, but I worship a holy God who is with me in my pain.
Paul thanks for your blog. This is my reality check. I will forward this article to as many people possible. I was there, this make sens. Pleas pray for my wife,
A broken father, a broken husband.





22 comments:

  1. Jip, it is un-avoidable normal to go ... although the way some of us go (ET) is not normal ...
    Pieta

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  2. Very true statement there Paul. To be frankly honest,I wouldn't mind going now. I am sick of this world,sick of the sick people here. I don't feel. Gods love. Haven't felt this "nothing" for a long time.
    Jannie Labuschagne

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  3. Paul indeed, we as man do not know God's ways...especially when he takes away people who we believe should have stayed and others that "stay on". The fact is he reveals himself to those who are in close fellowship with him, and use those that are open to his will. The Bible are full of that. Life's is God's test, trust and a temporary assignment.

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  4. We know the pain of ICU. You sat with us for three days. Three of the longest days of my life. Seeing my child dying slowly. The people storming in, claiming God's healing, telling us that if we belief God would heal our precious child. That it is not God's will that our child would die, but the work of Satan. People who told us to rejoice because God said to them that our child would be healed.

    Well, he died on the 28th of February 2008 after three days of hell. Not only did we experienced the pain of the event, but my wife has never again set foot in a church after that experience. She is angry with God, she believed everything that was said to her. She believed that he would be healed. She believed that the Christians who spoke so earnestly and with so much conviction was so spiritual and she acted as if our son would not die. God would surely not allow this to happen.
    Paul in these times you helped me to keep my sanity, to hope, but more to see a loving God. A God that is real, a God that is with us in our pain.
    On the 28th of February I did not only loose my son, I also lost my wife. She has lost her faith, her God and her reason to life.
    When I think back to those tree days of hell. I wish I had chased away all those people who came with their easy answers. Those Spiritual Christians who stole my wife's faith. I AM ANGRY!
    I know today that they could not handle the pain, that their fear for death was so big that they had to invent this god.
    Today I must confess that the pain and the longing is still there, but I worship a holy God who is with me in my pain.

    Paul thanks for your blog. This is my reality check. I will forward this article to as many people possible. I was there, this make sens. Pleas pray for my wife,

    A broken father, a broken husband.

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  5. This article portraits a very good insight in the story of pain that people experience during trauma or loss of a loved one. It is also clear from the comments that you hit the important spot and certainly are on the right track regarding the subject. Lets have a chat over a mugg of coffe about the effect of trauma on people's life story

    Anton

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  6. Paul' die dood is onvermydelik en God ken ons pyn want sy seun het die aakligste wyse en onskuldig gesterf. Ons is in die moderne wêreld bederf met lewensgewende kennis en middele terwyl ons oupas nog meer blootgestel was aan sterftes van geliefdes.
    Ons leef asof ons untouchable is en groot is die ontnugtering daarna. Die wyses waarop ons sterf is seker die onganaakbaarste wekroep en ek dink die pyn is erger vir die agtergeblewendes.
    Ek vind my vrede in die wete dat ek net ten dele ken dat die dood vir my nie meer 'n angel het nie. Die fisieke dood is net 'n oorgang na 'n beter lewe. Ons materiële liggaam is tydgebonde maar sodra ons daarvan verlos is deur die dood, is ons siel vry en tydloos.
    Die vraag is-hoekom God blameer vir die dood? As jy nie geloof het in die ewige lewe nie, behoort dood by jou vrees in te boesem of as jy ongered sterf.
    Moenie toelaat dat emosie die waarheid laat lei nie. Moenie die pyn van die oomblik jou geloof laat beïnvloed nie.
    Die waarheid vir my is dat die dood slegs 'n oorgang is na die beter ewige lewe. Dit is nie 'n straf nie maar eerder n' verlossing. Die wyse van sterf is ook nie bepaling van'n beloning vir jou dade nie.
    Die aakligste ding wat ons christene kan doen aan familie, is om hoop te gee sonder dat ons vir seker weet dat genesing sal plaasvind. Bring eerder vrede en objektiwiteit in die situasie.Laat God se wil geskied omdat hy beter weet. Ons het al gebid vir herstel net sodat die persoon vir die res van sy lewe ' koolkop kon wees. Dis dom. Bid dat God se wil sal geskied in die situasie.
    Laastens, God het die mens geskape met 'n verantwoordelikheid om self te besluit. Die diere is geprogrammeer maar ons kan besluit.
    Soms beïnvloed iemand anders se besluit jou toekoms bv: dronk bestuurder bots met jou motor en jy is beseer-as God altyd inmeng , is ons net pionne en nie regtig vry om keuses te maak nie. Ons moet berus daarin dat Hy "alles ten goede laat meewerk vir die wat HOM liefhet"Ja, ook daardie onredelike ongeluk wat jou vermink het.

    Deon Goosen

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  7. Deon, dankie ek dink dit is 'n sinvolle bydrae!

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  8. ds Paul ek skryf in afrikaans want ek sal dit nooit maak in my ingels nie. Kan julle dalk hierdie stuk in die gemeente koerant sit. Vir baie lank sukkel ek met hierdie vrae en vir die eerste keer is daar iets wat vir my sin maak. Ek het al met baie van my vriendine hieroor gesels en hulle sukkel ook hiermee. Dankie vir 'n wonderlike blog! Ek het 'n rukkie terug met 'n ma gesels wat jou ontmoet het by ICU en sy het getuig daarvan dat hulle God se liefde by jou beleef het.
    Hanna

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  9. Over the past weekend, I saw my Hero (Jesus Christ) as a suffering Hero. Only thereafter as a victorious Hero. If I decide to follow Jesus, should I be spared pain if God did not spare his own son pain? Should a servant be treated better than his master?
    Easter is a good time to recalculate the cost of following Jesus - Mark 8:34 "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me"
    Therefore, I can not agree with the prosperity theology but I can choose to love the people around me (or cry with them), instead of trying to explain every situation.
    I agree with you Paul, the solution is "It is close to God where we will find the courage to live, whether God answers with a miracle or without."
    Not only the sufferer should stay close to God, but also the comforter/supporter to avoid saying "truths" which could drive people away from God. It seems as if Jesus, who was is both positions, spend a large part of his time in prayer.

    Thanks Deon, your comment is much appreciated !

    Gertjan
    Does God exist for me or do I exist for God ?

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  10. Gertjan, dit is so lekker om van jou te hoor. Stem 100% saam met jou. Ek bid die afgelope tyd weer baie vir jou vandat ek jou "dogtertjie" op facebook raakgeloop het. Groete by die huis

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  11. Ons word in 'n onvolmaakte wereld konfronteer met soveel dinge wat nie sin maak nie of wat ek uit eie keuse nie wou he nie. Dit is egter my keuse hoe ek dit hanteer. Uit die aard van die saak het my eie emosies en belewenis 'n groot invloed op my keuses. Ja ek kan kwaad wees, hartseer wees, teleurgesteld wees dat dinge nie na my wil verloop nie en magteloos voel in die besef van my eie onvermoe en sterflikheid. My keuse is om na God te kyk vir hoop, troos, aanvaarding en moed vir die lewenspad verder. Aan die ander kant kan ek verwerp, verbitterd wees en net voortbestaan.
    Ons moet bid vir die wat moed verloor (en geloof). Ook vir daardie mense wat goed bedoeld 'n situasie net vererger deur verkeerdelik hoop te skep. Na alles kan ons net met geloof en gebed ons lewenspaadjie stap om ook vir ander 'n seen te wees.
    Gerrie&Ina

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  12. Gerrie en Ina dit is lekker om van julle te hoor, ek onthou nog julle comitment en liefde vir jongmense.

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  13. Die grootste liefde en seer vir God; was toe Hy Sy Seun wat so gehoorsaam was, moes stuur om vir ons sonde te sterf terwyl Hy niks sonde/verkeerd geken het nie. God of Sy Seun het vir geen oomblik gesê; "Hoe onredelik! nie" En dit was tog sodat, vir u ookal daarna sal sterf; die ewige lewe sal wag!
    Toe my pa in die ICU gelê het, 7jaar gelede; was my grootste wens dat die Here hom sal gesond maak. Totdat my leraars-broer aan my gevra het; "Wat is totale gesondheid werklik; Pieter?" Dit is toe dat ons besef het dat om by God te wees, is die beste. Ons mis hom vandag nog...
    Ek weet regtig nie of ek dieselfde sal sê as een van my kinders die lewe sal verlaat nie. Die Here moet my genadig wees.
    Mag hulle wat geliefdes aan die dood afgestaan het, antwoorde op hulle vrae kry soos wat die tyd aangaan.
    Dankie vir die berig.
    Seengroete

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  14. Dit is uiters belangrik dat ons as gelowiges hieroor eerlik met mekaar praat. Dit grens vir my aan emosionele en geloofsgeweld wat soms rondom 'n siek- of sterfbed gebeur. DAnie Louw het die volgende woorde geskryf wat my persoonlik aangryp: Die almag van God skitter juis in die weerloosheid van God. By die kruis wou die sterk Romeine en Jode die magsvertoon van God sien. By die kruis kan die lydende mens sien hoe weerloos God is. In sy Seun stel Hy Hom bloot aan spot en skande. Die Jode se koning sou 'n swaard kon opneem. Maar God se Seun verkies die beker - asyn, gal en bloed. By die kruis kom staan God kniediep in ons lyding." God se almag is God se deernisvolle medelye met my nood en krisis. Verseker5 glo ek dat God wonderwerke doen - elke asemteug en dit wat rondom daagliks rondom ons gebeur, is 'n bewys daarvan. Ek glo ook dat God kniedipe by ons in ons lyding staan. By elke mens wat vermoor word; elke kind wat sterf; elke vrou wat verkrag word; elke kind wat mishandel word; elke mens wat honger het, staan 'n God wat saam met ons huil; wat werklik omgee, ons wil verander en met ons 'n pad van heling wil loop. Hannes Theron

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  15. Dankie Paul. Ek het baie van die Here ontvang oor die onderwerp.

    Jesus het 'n einde kom maak aan die dood, die loon van sonde. Hy het 'n volkome werk kom doen, daar is geen veroordeling meer nie. Met Jesus het God in Sy kinders kom woon. Ek sal nie dood gaan nie, ek lewe vir ewig, my liggaam waarin Hy woon, ingesluit.

    Groete,

    Dr. Raymond Els

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  16. Paul



    Jou artikel maak soveel onderwerpe oop vi bespreking. Sommige daarvan wat met groot versigtigheid en deernis hanteer moer word. Die volgende kan byvoorbeeld hanteer word:

    1. God se genade en liefde in alle omstandighede (al klink dit soms nie moontlik nie)

    2. Genade dood – Eutenasia – hoekom iemand onnodig laat ly

    3. Selfmoord – ek kies wanneer ek genoeg gehad het

    4. Keuse om die “masjiene” te laat afsit wanneer iemand “breindood” is

    5. Hoekom laat God die lelike, slegte en hartseer toe

    6. God kan mos alles doen –hoekom nie nou nie



    Ek sien baie uit na die verloop van die verdere gesprek



    Groete





    Gerrie Venter

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  17. Die grootste liefde en seer vir God; was toe Hy Sy Seun wat so gehoorsaam was, moes stuur om vir ons sonde te sterf terwyl Hy niks sonde/verkeerd geken het nie. God of Sy Seun het vir geen oomblik gesê; "Hoe onredelik! nie" En dit was tog sodat, vir u ookal daarna sal sterf; die ewige lewe sal wag!
    Toe my pa in die ICU gelê het, 7jaar gelede; was my grootste wens dat die Here hom sal gesond maak. Totdat my leraars-broer aan my gevra het; "Wat is totale gesondheid werklik; Pieter?" Dit is toe dat ons besef het dat om by God te wees, is die beste. Ons mis hom vandag nog...
    Ek weet regtig nie of ek dieselfde sal sê as een van my kinders die lewe sal verlaat nie. Die Here moet my genadig wees.
    Mag hulle wat geliefdes aan die dood afgestaan het, antwoorde op hulle vrae kry soos wat die tyd aangaan.
    Dankie vir die berig.
    Seengroete

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  18. Dag Vriend



    Ek het die stukkie gelees en weer besef dat God my en my gesin seen so sonder dat ons dit verdien………



    Jy het die dinge pragtig raakgevat – God vra nie dat ons Sy volmaakte planne met one elkeen moet verstaan nie, wel dat ons Hom moet vetrou. Ek besef ook weer opnuut dat ons probeer alles verklaar (selfs die onvermydelike dood) aan dit wat ons ken, maar God bestaan in ‘n ander realm (geestelike) en ons kan dit nie verstaan nie. Dan is daar nog tyd ook, alles wat ons doen is onderhewig aan tyd, maar God was altyd daar en sal altyd daar wees…..so moeilik om te begryp! Daarom dat ons nie vrede kan maak as ‘n geliefde sterf nie, want ons verstaan nie dat die ewigheid voorle en hierdie aardse bestaan ‘n nietigheid is in terme van die ewige nie…..

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  19. Dear Paul,
    Amazing how your article touched me on the essence of my own believe or non-believe! I am hesitant to respond to your article because I do not believe that I have the answer any longer (used to believe I did) but, in a sense maybe that is the reason I am responding – perhaps to answer myself!
    What I do know is that I don't know most - and even that, that (I think) I do know - causes me to be indecisive and/or doubtful most of the time.
    Based on my own life experiences I have come to the conclusion that I cannot any longer provide others with answers that I myself have no reason to believe to be correct or lack proof of the correctness of such answers. What I am saying is that I cannot any longer provide answers based simply on a believe system of some kind or “because somebody said / wrote that” – and yet again I do not want to judge others who do believe that they have (found) the answer!

    Regardless of what I believe, I do know that I am body – consisting of mind and deteriorating flesh. Having recovered from a life threatening disease and several operations / stays in hospital - I often battle with my own emotions and thinking. Where was (is) God in all these experiences of physical pain and emotions of fear, hope, disappointment, frustration, anger etc. I know that I have to fight myself (my mind) every day using the positive experiences to overcome the negatives. Why would I want to praise (a) God (if there is one and he is not showing or explaining himself) when I am suffering?

    I want to believe and pronounce that God exists - everybody does (it seems) - or do they? Who can really provide the right answer? Is believe (in a God) really that simple? I honestly don’t have the answer despite what I might think or believe!

    However, then again I realize (feel) that I am not just body but also soul / spirit (or something deeper that I cannot explain). Something in me makes me praise and recognize (a God that I cannot dare to explain) – especially when I am good, living, belonging, loved, satisfied, pain free etc. I am aware of a Higher presence or a feeling of belonging to other creations and a certainty (believe) that we were created by the same Creator. I also believe that we will return to that Creator.
    Does God use these things (sickness versus health or other experiences / emotions between good and bad) to make us aware of his being or to prepare us for life and afterlife? I honestly don’t know!
    But, somehow (unexplainable) , I do believe that God exist!
    But that is as far as I dare pronounce his being or his actions? Let me simply believe and allow you to believe that what works for you.
    Amen and Greetings
    Rudie Biela

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  20. Dankie vir die artikel.
    Kommentaar:
    God het ons vir 'n rede op aarde geplaas. Om te verlang om by God te wees voel ek mis die doel. God wil ons gebruik op aarde. Daarom is die kommnetaar van die ou oom wat vir sy ma gaan kuier so in die kol vanaf die wereld se oogpunt gesien. God is nie te besig nie, hy wil haar gebruik vir 'n doel en as die doel nog nie klaar is nie, dan sal hy haar nie gaan haal nie. Selfde wat ons sien in Jona. God het 'n doel met hom en sal sorg dat hy die boodskap gaan preek. (Al is die preek slegs een sin in 'n stad wat so groot was dat dit jou 3 dae sou vat om deur te stap. As jy 20 km per dag sou stap is die stad omtrent 60km breed. Dis nou Somerset wes tot Kaapstad)

    Ek stem saam met die oom wat sy kind verloor het. Te veel mense het 'n antwoord op wat God doen. So asof hulle God uitgedink het. Ek hou van wat jy se
    God rarely make sense to me, but I experience His love often. En ook I don’t try to give answers because I don’t understand. Ek verduidelik vir die persoon wat deur die leiding gaan dat sy vraag hoekom God dit teolaat is ongedefineerd is. Want al sou God dit in detail verduidelik hoekom Hy dit toegelaat het, sou jy nog steeds nie die leiding wou deurgaan nie en jy sal nie beter voel nie. Dus is jou vraag nie hoekom God dit toegelaat het nie, maar eerder dat God dit nie moes toegelaat het nie.

    Dit wat jy se is so baie waar we can beg cry and even fight with God. Baklei met God word so pragtig uitgespel in JOB. Waar Job vir God aanklae teenoor God . En dan sy vriende vir God opkom. Ek sou wat wou gee om die vriende se gesigte te sien toe hulle moes hoor dat hulle nie reg van God gepraat het nie, maar Job wel. En dat Job vir hulle moet bid anders sal God hulle terugbetaal.

    Ek het 'n video band wat oor leiding praat . Dit gee nie 'n antwoord nie, maar verskillende sieninge daaroor. Jy is welkom om dit te leen as jy wil. (30min) Miskien beteken dit iets vir jou.

    Dan laastens . Die tannie wat haar geloof in God verloor het. God sal haar bly opsoek en troos en dit vir haar op haar tyd duidelik maak. Net soos vir Job op sy tyd. Ek sien dit al hoe meer, mense wat van God vlug, maar God besoek hulle elke dag. Of hulle dit wil glo , of sien of wil weet , maak nie saak nie.

    Groetnis
    Deon Visser (My beskeie opmerkings, vat maar wat sin maak)

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  21. Paul, ek dink om 'n kind te verloor is die seerste seer denkbaar.Ek kan en wil my dit nie indink nie. My 3 kinders is voortdurend in my gebede, veral as ek my oudste (20)wat op Stellenbosch studeer en in 'n koshuis woon, afsien na 'n kuier hier in Somerset. Ek bid haar letterlik terug Stellenbosch toe. Ek besef egter dat haar veilige terugreis slegs God se genade is en nie iets wat ek van God kan eis nie. Ons moet besef dat ons deel is van hierdie gebroke wereld. Ons as ouers se belangrikste liefdesdiens is om ons kinders in God se wee te lei en hul te leer van Jesus Christus se liefde en vergifnis. Ons gesin het toevallig hierdie Paasnaweek na 'n DVD opname van jou preek verlede jaar ongeveer Oktober (saam met Renier) gekyk waar jy spesifiek met die gesin praat en klem le op ons as ouers se plig om ons geliefdes van God te vertel. Jy het genoem dat as ons by 'n kind se doodskis moet staan, ons vrede moet he dat ons wel hierdie kind aan God opgedra het en hom/haar in God se wee onderrig het en ook as voorbeeld vir hierdie kind gedien het. Slegs dan kan ons vrede en vertroosting in ons ergste smart ervaar met die wete dat ons ons kinders,(al maak ons baie foute)by Jesus se voete neergele het. Baie dankie en groete, Theresa Slabber.

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  22. Wat ‘n powerful stuk Paul!
    My hart breek vir almal met hul seer. Om een van my geliefdes, spesifiek Mike, Kara en dan ook die mensie wat in my lyf groei, te verloor is seker een van my grootste vrese en ek moet gereeld bid om daarvan vry gemaak te word. ‘n mens kan tog nou ook nie voortdurend in die vrees leef nie.

    Ek weet egter dat die God wat ek dien ons almal oneindig lief het, al verstaan ons nie eers ‘n aks van Sy werklikheid nie en al stoei ek dikwels met Hom.

    Baie groete,
    Ilse

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